the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
