Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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