Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize