i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize