Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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