I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize