the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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