woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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