dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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