I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
