it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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