I faked an abortion last night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
