I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
