so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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