I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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