Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
