It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish I only lived at night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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