Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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