Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
