your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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