And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
