I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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