you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize