Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
