omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
