Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
