No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
