paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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