I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
