After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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