I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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