I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
