I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
