I seem to have left my pride at pride
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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