I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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