I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize