Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
