Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
