I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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