I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
