Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
