i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
