its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
