On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am available for nakedness
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
