My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
