My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I FOUND THE LEGS
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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