You made me cry and you don't even care
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
