it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize