So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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