Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
