just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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