Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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