If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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