Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
