If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
