i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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