did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
