new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
this will be a night to untag.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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