Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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