Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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