it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
