just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize