You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
