giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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