If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
