I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
