so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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