Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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