yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
