I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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