Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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