i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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