You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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