Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
