we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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