dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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