do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He better not be in your backpack
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
