plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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