that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
