so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
