thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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