So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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