Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
