Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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