Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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