were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
