Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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