UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize