On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
