apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We have so much sex to catch up on
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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