I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
