Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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