I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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