I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
