I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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