My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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