Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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